Im gonna talk about A relationship

Trying to be clickbaity but epically failing.
Hey whats up ?!

So what's this whole thing about marriage? Did I arrive late to the party where I missed the intro on 'ticking biological clocks' or 'women need to get married before 30' or 'maybe it's time you settled down?'

Hahahhahaha . Actually quite frankly deep down I was waiting for these sterotype phrases and questions to be thrown at me everyday just so that I had something to scoff about. Cuz apparently outrage and making issues over nonexistent matters are a big rage in 2017-18. Didn't you hear ?

Maybe it's not so funny that shaadi.com actually has a profile with me with shitty sari photos made with good intentions and that I actually hacked into someone's phone to change settings from not drinks and smokes to yes drinks and smokes and got fifty hits more. ( What yo' , premium account benefits outweigh bad habitZzz didn't you read the fine print ?)  When ironically I don't do either; smoking and drinking(heavy) . But of course let's just pretend I'm a badass.

Anyways ironys aside, are cat men to be trusted like dog women ? Or do burping to the latest hits count as matrimonial hobbies?
These questions eventually need answers. Til then imma chillin' with my non alcoholic bevs making pretend smoke hearts listening to put a ring on it. Cyaaaaa

Stop , reassess and then react !

I've realised everytime I get worked up about a situation, riled up with something that's bothering me I end up making a bad decision, saying something stupid or doing something regrettable .
Anger management seems to have been on the agenda for quite awhile but due to lack of time, millions of excuses about being too busy adding to the frustration and anger in itself i've finally decided I'm due for a major upgrade.
Taking care of myself seems to be a top priority on the list before anything else. I need to settle my issues and the first one being hasty decision making. I've been taking yoga and meditation classes especially, physical exercise as well and I've realised this endorphin release has been doing a world of wonders. I know I've not discovered a wonder drug and I knew all this from the ten years of studying the human body etc but hey the implementation has just been lacking.
Now in retrospect when I look back at certain things I've done and said I've been quite certain that they could have been handled with a lot more grace. Especially when it came to taking the higher road, bringing down the ego a notch.
Currently as I struggle less with anger issues which I'm not saying I'm completely rid of, I always do take a moment to calm down , analyse the situation not do or say anything stupid until I'm actually sure that yes, this is it. This is what I should be doing and this is what I shouldn't be saying that I go ahead and get along with this process I call... Getting better at this 'adulting thing'.

Hey, thanks for what you did.

I realise that I love writing. Part of me someday hopes I write something concrete. A memoir ? A story ? A factual address? Hahaha.

Off late I feel like someone injected me with a really strong drug. You know, the kind that makes you feel like not giving a fuck about  things in life. I'm feeling like I'm on this precarious edge of happiness and satisfaction and I'm accepting it with a lot a gaurdedness cuz c'mon the pessimist in me knows something's gonna tip it over to utter gloom and doom. I just dunno what it is. I try to move along in life hoping one day I'm gonna wake up and feel like shit. But that day just doesn't seem to be coming.
I'm quite content. Crazy feeling right ?
Then a part of me wonders. Maybe something changed. Maybe something clicked in me. Like this contentment switch just went on.

It's weird to not worry about things that are beyond your control, it's weird to have emotions that you are finally able to control without letting take over you and it's really weird to finally figure out how things work and striving to be a better person is probably the only thing that matters more than anything else.

I'm not saying I've got everything figured out. But there's definitely a good change in me. A happy change. Like someone slapped it into me, like a drug with no half life circulating through me.

I really don't have a title to go with this post. I probably don't have a lot to say that makes sense either.
Its been ten years since I started writing this blog.  WOW. 

In the final phases of medicine with only a few months left for finals and a million books to read that keep piling on I find myself at a crossroad again.  Wondering which would be the best choice, professionally speaking of course.  Having no personal commitments with anybody whatsoever to consider the options there by being so limitless you start wondering whether someone is gonna come along and choose for you instead cuz it ain't that easy..  This life.  I guess I should be happy with every thing I have and only hope for the best with the way forward. 

Cuz who knows what tomorrow holds.

Take that

There's a lot of metaphorical kicking in the balls happening. I'm not a person to vent through a text message but that's what happened today. It felt really good.
Its been weeks. I really have this urge to KICK HIM WHERE IT HURTS THE MOST. And no no that's not his heart. cuz he doesn't really have one. Strung up the choicest words possible put it all together and sent it as a text. I thought I would never be that person who did. But it really felt good. To tell this person how I really really felt. What it felt like to be at the receiving end of all the bullshit.
I wanted him to realise. I knew he did. And I really hope it hurts. I really want it to hurt.

Love Lockdown

By now I'm just listening to a cover of  Kanye's song on the loop.
No significance of the lyrics to the story line to my life. Just the beats, Just the fucking beats.
And I wonder if I'm doing anything right. But I'm probably not.
Its those predictable storyline types where you know the protagonist is going through the shit she is and then the guy next door pops over on that lonely Saturday night when you're in your PJ's unexpectedly.
Except there is no guy next door. Just another empty room cuz its Saturday night and men are so YOLO.
You wonder if your taking it out at work, displacement disorder or whatever and probably haven't realized it yet.
Maybe you have but you would rather be unaware of these kinda things.
Go on with life. Play stupid. Don't give a damn.
Such a fun Saturday night its been. You wish you were just on call instead.

The edge

How many of us have woken up feeling that this day is positively brimming with opportunities rather than oh no its another Monday in shitsville? Put the snooze on a little longer to just experience prolong the inevitable bullshit that is the day and the people who you thought gave a fuck don't really care but pretend to anyways for other ulterior motives. Unsuspectingly you go on about your day and then shit hits the roof, abuses are exchanged, glances become hard stares and yet you go on with the day cuz it's all mundane everyday stuff.
You think you have it all figured out till someone asks you "do you really even know what you're doing?"
"Do you wanna be so argumentative about things that aren't worth it?"
Stop yourself and move on.
Reevaluate everything.

Well, it's been ages

I know it's been more than a year since I even typed on this blog or posted anything. With instagram and twitter I mean... Blogging is a thing of the past.

But I do believe it was best I didn't post my crazy life which turned upside down inside out with its highs and lows last year.

The heart breaks,  the moments of sheer pain,  the reckless words tossed around to the adrenaline rush of doing my first surgery skin to skin and the many more that followed and basking in the glow. Working,  sweating it getting results,  thesis proposal rejection to acceptance to heartbreakers, mood elevators, ugh..
It's been crazy.
Most of all its been a learning year. So much learnt about human behavior and it's complexities to all the evil around to wondering if there is any good around and when you think the world is a bad place something or someone showers you with some kind light and gets you thinking "hey its not that bad" and you sigh in  relief think it's all gonna be ok and just be grateful. Grateful for everything you have. Just grateful.

Priceless

Sipping brandy watching the clouds roll in over the mountains. Yup that's the end of summer. And that despicable heat.

The road of no return.

Creepy much? For a title I mean. But come on that's what it means after graduation right. You choose a path and you don't know what exactly is gonna happen to you along the way that except a huge monster might come on your way and eat you up (metaphorically speaking of course) . Most of us don't even know what we're getting into but can just hope that the outcome is just about right enough. I mean we got to try right?

Giving out sarcastic replies seems to be my forte this time for lack of knowing what to say more so to people when they ask me what my plans are now after graduation.
Hope the answer hits me soon in a few months and bumming around pays off.