The Rant

People around me seem to hate the word confrontation..

I mean if u really have a problem come and tell me cuz I'm sooooo sick and tired running after you all the fucking time trying to ask you "Wtf is wrong with u ?! Whats your bloody problem in life!"

But then again doesn't seem worth it, to bring it up even..

and since many if you who are reading this know exactly what I'm talking about.. please do enlighten me as to what is going.. I would sometimes like to know too!

Finally getting my phone back what a relief! Good things do happen when you least expect it.

But apart from all this... the other side is that this term seems to be playing out very interestingly.. I think the word is serendipity, looking for something else but accidentally stumbling on something better... I know it was an accident but I do know your secret now its just a matter of time before the wrong people find out! I know your reading this.... what can i say it was too good to pass up!

Deprivation

I was having the most beautiful dream I was in my hostel... i walk down to the mess hall and they are serving me three different cuisines Chinese , Italian, Indian... the champagnes flowing, the waiters in white looking very polished are serving the Hors d'oeuvres people are all dressed up, the food looking absolutely good theres penne, ravioli, cheese naan, dumplings, springrolls and theres actual basmathi rice... Ive never seen basmathi rice for a very long time!!!

The best part was the dessert, tiramisu, geltatos, sorbet, gajar halva and those little kajju burffi's i love sooooooo much!!! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... soooooooo good

And then i hear this voice... are you not feeling well? ohhhhh this food must be soooo good its making me .... sick ???

tap tap

Im having a very sudden awakening from this beautiful world... my ent professor standing over my table are u OK? are you not feeling well???

oh shit!!!

I've dozed off for the past one hour on my paper and theres a little pool of drool on my question paper too. No food.

Nikhils snickering at me.

Next question ... describe ostiomeatal complex.

Fhhhhhaaaaaacccckkkk!!!

Insecure

Why do some girls seem very insecure in a relationship?
This happened to me..
theres this girl I know who I wasn't all on friendly terms before this but we would occasionally talk . She never bothered me. I use to probably occasionally talk to her guy .. one day i get this call
guy: hey how u doing?
me: I'm pretty good
guy: are you busy?
me:nah...
guy: OK... this might sound weird but my girlfriend doesn't like you talking to me or messaging me? She would like it of you stopped!
me: oh man... this is soooooo funny
guy: yeah OK i know its funny but shes my girlfriend
me (only thinking not saying) : don't you have the balls to dump her if shes giving you so much shit?
guy: what? OK wtv I'm really sorry it has to be this way
sniff sniff
what a dysfunctional couple! hmmm well but it doesn't stop there...
dysfunctional couple bitch has to spread crazy rumours about me that I flirt with more than half the class population of guys when I am in a relationship.
So the answer to the question would probably be... some girls are just born dumb fucks!

Turning twenty

A few nights ago a couple of my friends were hanging around my room when my roommate goes like shit I'm gonna turn twenty in a couple of months and went into this melodramatic explanation about how she was getting old and she hasn't done much in her twenty odd years of life.Two decades of life down.. sigh its like a turning point on life!
We each contemplated and realised that neither have we. We haven't done crazy extremely wacky stuff that we can just picture ourselves doing them. We sat talking about our future and about how once were done with college these will be the major chunk of our good memories and we need to make them special.
My roommate also pointed out that we don't have much time. Since most of us are turning twenty soon or so she believes. So we made a list. Each of the seven of us made a list on what we need to do before were twenty we even cut out an old shoebox and started collecting funds on monthly basis we christened it ' for extremely crazy messed up shit before turning twenty fund'. I was made the treasurer and hence the box resides in my room and whenever people keep coming to my room for stuff they look at it and laugh. We know that years from now even when we look back at this we were gonna laugh our asses off too. Till then were pretty damn serious were gonna pull this off...

The syndrome

They say that once you start your clinical postings and learning about so many different things in the hospital ninety percent of the medical students feel they have some sort of problem or deadly disease. Manifestations include being overtly paranoid about everything, seeing all sorts of micro organisms around you with your microscopic vision, using complicated medical talk to tell other people about your deathly psychotic sickness. Basically its all in the head
The other day we had OPD (out patient department) where patients come during certain set hours to be sen the other day. My batch mates and I were standing "observing" the doctors do their thing. Finally a batch mate of ours walks in and goes straight over to the patients side instead of joining us. So we started our "observing". Patient complains of "periorbital oedema" I'll spare you guys from the explanation but truth was we really couldn't see any "oedema" in the "periorbital" region at all. But she swears it was there yesterday night. LOL.

This classical example demonstrates why medical students should not be subjected to so much studying, the adverse effects are such as the above probably even worse!
A serious issue which needs some considerations at least. Before we start self medicating our selves and killing ourselves

Exam trends

This post has been a product of my observations leading up to and during this recent exam... I noted slightly exaggerated trends of some of my peer. They are as follows-

• Under eye circles due to lack of sleep become the new "in thing". Followed by skipping bath, food and reduced telephonic conversations with bf's.
• Bed time habits change, some sleep for two to three hours a day. I once was the earliest to sleep before an exam one thirty. They looked at me for days after like I'd sinned.
• some people start talking subjects... like once this female came up to me and goes like " your teddy bear seems to have some form of Cushings syndrome, the symptoms which are pot belly, moon face etc etc. I swear since then I haven't looked at my teddy in the same way and I'll never forget Cushings syndrome.
• constant dropping off or dozing on your books. I do this pretty often and when someone asks me to go sleep on my bed I reply I was just recollecting something with my eyes closed.
• If you can recite a chapter out of the text book word to word people start coming to you to explain the chapter to them cuz their too lazy to study themselves! The only time I knew a chapter from the textbook was contraceptives. I'd never read the chapter but people really didn't care, they asked me everything from the physiological basis of after pill to flavors of condoms. I felt like I was giving sex advice ...sheesh
• the most common thing which can be observed is I'm so tensed am i gonna pass? When they so know they are. I reply " no you aren't, your teachers will curse you, your parents will throw you out of the house, no one will ever go out with you cuz they think your too dumb and finally all your friends will turn their back to you all cuz u flunked in one internal in your entire year"
• common lines "will I pass?" , "how much you done studying?" "When did u sleep when did u wake up? "
• When the power goes off before back up comes those few precious minutes tick by people start taking out their cellphones and start studying using the light from it going crap theres so much to do.

So I guess exams do tend to bring the best in us and the worst in us too....

Leaving home

It's just so hard to get from fun mode to back to college mode. Very hard...
We realized this time that if we extended our holidays we'd feel worse when we got back plus the fact that my friend has a lot to organize when we're back. So when I text her to ask if our tickets were booked (we were on the waiting list till now) she replies saying "sadly they are , how I wish we could have stayed longer". So true. But tickets booked it just confirms the fact that we gotta go. No point postponing the inevitable. sigh...
So getting those bags packed and then we're back off to coll. The worst part about it is my mom crying. And my moms a really strong person and seeing her crying every time you say goodbye when you come down is well.. pretty disheartening.

These are probably the few things I miss about home

• Dog licking me as soon as I get into the house
• Music when I want it how I want it
• the remote in my hand and sitting on my sofa
• non oily chappatis
  
• plain cold milk right out of the fridge in the night
• my bathroom!!!
• my warm bed with my nice pillow
• no 6 30 curfew
• sleeping into the morning
• washing machine and drier
• high speed internet
• air conditioning!!!
• neighboorhood sounds

the list is pretty endless so no point. Now I know what they mean by home sweet home. So true..

the lesson so far

She walks away head held up high, arrogance all around her, over confidence as some teacher put it later.
As she did the one thing that went through my head was these are the kind of people I need to keep away from for the rest of my college life. The over achievers who make me feel more insignificant than i already am. Later would i discover they were a whole breed of people like this. It was orientation day, first day of college we were just getting to know each other. Looking at our class, the people who I would be spending the next five and a half years. New place , new people. I felt like everyone else unsure, a bit scared, wondering whats gonna happen next. But this chick wow she comes and talks to me as though shes been doing this forever. I was a tad bit annoyed. How can anyone be like that?
Weeks rolled by we really did get to know each other or thought we did at least. For the first few weeks everyone was wondering what the other person was doing and assessing them accordingly. Who really did open the fresh printed textbooks first, who was loud who was not, who had attitude, who didn't. I listened to some of this most of it just curiosity with these new people and their behavior habits.
This chick seemed the topic of conversation all the time. Her weird habits, the way she made a couple of people feel terrible. Etc etc etc. Then it got personal. She said something which sorta struck a chord.
My roommates didn't say anything I didn't really get what she was trying to say and there was an uncomfortable pause. She walks off.
My roommates looked at me for five secs and then one of them was like "you really didn't give it back to her did you?"
That was it...
Whenever we saw each other it would always be this verbal lashing peppered in a really sweet way. Then she delivered this killer line " you know , we're gonna be in the same batch and same class for the next five and half years!"
Fuck! She was so right.
We had an exam the next day. Both me and her were stuck with the same tough experiment.
We fudged.... yup. Its like 2 hours just brought us together after weeks of bitterness.
Its hard to explain what happened it probably went something like this- we both wanted the marks. It was as though nothing happened.
After that we started talking , i respected her peculiarities she sorta came into terms with mine.
You can't really call us best friends, but you can't call us people who have bitterness between them. We're working on it. Feels good.
The lesson so far-Time changes things so drastically sometimes, who would even imagine...

CPR

OK so this is revival blog operation! Yes my blog is not dead... I still exist thought some consider that since my blog hasn't been updated for so long , so that means I probably died in some freak accident or I just lost interest, i disappeared off the face of this earth...

BUT NO!!!!!

I'M BACK BABY!!

OK so the reason why my blog hasn't been updated for so long is cuz of a lot of chaos in my life, not to worry clearing the clutter right now.
So first things first, first sessional's done, unexpected things happened , but all for the better YEAY!

I'm single, oh ya... and quite frankly enjoying it. That ain't gonna change for a long time. Ithink I've had enough guy trouble in the past few months . (To all those who know what I'm talking about U guys must really be laughing your asses off at my expense, those hilarious situations I found myself in!)

Feels so good to be back home for the Diwali break. Parents pampering you, even my dogs giving me that extra attention I deserve . (Attention seeker ain't I!)

Good food, good company, good life, what more could i ask for.
If only life was eternally this blissful. I'm asking for too much ain't I...

my first surgical cut.

Let laughter cease and comfort flee,
this is the place where death enlightens to educate the living.

This is probably the first thing that catches your attention as you walk into out anatomy dissection lab. Yes we finally had dissection today, yes I finally dissected a cadaver today. After like a month of waiting YES YES YES!!! So we enter our lab today white coats, dissection kit, a lab manual. We hurry to get a good seat near the bodies. Our first glimpse at the full length of the body. The smell of formalin in the air. Sorta makes you sick.
We finally sit down and the teacher comes explains to us how we use a scalpel ,forceps and etc etc, procedures, and what exactly we're suppose to be dissecting.
She asks us who's ready to start dissection first, nearly everyone jump at that. Cant blame us for being a little over enthu on the fact that this is the first time we've come to something this close that was one human walking talking and even breathing like us.
So each of us start dissecting. I feel a little too sick. I guess it was the formalin. At least three of them fainted and another threw up. But over all was a good experience.
As I come out I text my dad explaining to him what i dissected and his reply went something like this- welcome to the real world of being a med student!

then now and later

Is silence a bad thing? Is the sudden feeling of emptiness inside you fill you with dread?
No I am not PMS-ing I am simply stating my current position right now.
The feeling of dread and at the same time sadness of leaving something behind. Looking at you future and wondering where its gonna take you, imbibing where you currently are- it seems so surreal. But unfortunately / fortunately- that's reality. We have to face it at some point of time. Starting all over again maybe refreshing but at the same time hard- getting into the daily grind. Ah well not so easy.
Sometimes I feel so lost that I just drift away from here to someplace else. Its like a trance. Until someone brings me back to reality. Relationships strained over distances, family stopped calling (this is not necessarily a bad thing!). They all seem so far away in a different dimension of my life even though everyone is a phone call away. So they do tell me whats going on in their lives, but it feels so vague that-almost untrue or rather far away. Its this psychological thing i guess...


whew!

week one

So its my first week here.
Its been one hell of one too. With late phonecalls with friends and sister this might actually be better for our relationship, with my sis I mean. whether its fighting on the phone or stuff like that its cool. We end up talking a lot when we haven't really done that for years- the last 11 years lol.Mom keeps worrying how im "coping" up etc etc
But I can say lifes been fun... Ha ha something my fiends envy about me and thier true fascination fills me with pride. lol. As they sit and complain about parents fight with siblings etc I'm internally laughing!
Sorry to the few friends who do read this blog... but since im venting out my feelings on this blog i thought id start with this... the major thing called independence..
Though I must say the privacy is zero.But then again going over to a friends room etc etc Laughing chit chatting lotsa fun!
Though i must say the weather is something to get use to.

Do your own laundry!

Off late , I've been in a mix of happy-sad emotion status' that I cant differentiate between the two anymore. Seems so overwhelming. Well finally the time has come to say good-bye to good ol' Bangalore.
The happy parts are when one of my friends called and told me that living away from home is nice and that you get a hell lot more freedom than you did when you were at Bangalore, says shes become independent and her mom is proud of her. My mom was proud of me today when I actually did the laundry i.e put the clothes in the washing machine , and put it on. ha ha ... i know it sounds pretty lame. But ya, my mom will flip when she finds me doing my laundry, and my mom can finally be proud of me. I can almost hear her saying " oh my daughter, she's such an independent woman, she can do the laundry by herself, last week she couldn't find the jam bottle by herself even though it was right next to her!" (lmao!)
Yup that's me. The girl who currently went from not finding the jam bottle to sorta finally being able to zero in on the point where it might be! I'm seriously not kidding. But anyways I do know how to take care of myself and I'm sure i can start managing to do that. At least that's one thing I can go to college and make my mom proud about! Just kidding..
Then my other friend had called, she was leaving to Mumbai, wanted to say goodbye! I feel its easier now. Now that the first time is over. But ya I felt kinda bad. (sniff!) She was a really close friend and one of those people from Bangalore I wish I could kidnap with me and take to college in case my roommates turn out to be bitches. Yup that's why I'm worried. No proper definitions for what bitches are like, I'm sure everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Well the last one week, packing still going on, toooooooo many many clothes! I hope it really doesn't exceed the luggage limit! Oh I got the last harry potter book too. To finish off what I wanted to when i was eleven! lol.Other than that trying to catch a glimpse at what life has in for me!

college, hostel and all that!

OK well, so I'm going to coll this year after all ( i dunno why i added after all but still).
I'm going to college in Mangalore, five and a half years over there after I've spent practically my entire life in Bangalore!
Well to start of with , its gonna be an entirely different setting, the whole med school atmosphere, friends, the weather ( its always warm and humid and raining most of the year there). Then there will be the whole course load which I've heard is a bitch! Gulp.
I heard at times hostel food makes you depressed, and there are times when you would feel crappy by looking at what your eating. But on the more positive side I'm gonna be 18! Time to face the world from my pampered lifestyle at home and life there teaches you a lot of valuable lessons.The guy at the admissions office thought i was meek and small , looked like a kid for my age that's what he said and was like "you sure u can handle life in a hostel?"
I said "yes" in the most confident way possible, then he said" we'll see, you sound so confident now but lets see if you get use to it"
I wanted to ask him "do i have a choice?" Well that's another gulp!
So we're going to see the hostels like a couple of days before college starts and figure out the room arrangements and stuff.
Back in Bangalore when i broke the news to friends , family etc i got a lot of mixed reactions.
Most of my friends were like ".... oh u gonna live away from home , why couldn't you try to get into some college here in Bangalore?"
Some were like "... we're gonna miss you so much so when u giving a farewell party?" ( Ya right!)
Others were like "so how many days left for college to begin..... omg! hardly a month , we gotta start hanging out more often!"

Haven't started shopping as of yet, not even made a list , but I'm sure on the first thing on my list would be baygon cockroach spray. You see I'm so scared of cockroaches that I'm planning to take a couple of bottles of it and exterminate my entire room before moving in. Added to that all the numerous other bug sprays and mosquito repellents!
Planning to go to comm street sometime and but new clothes and stuff , always wanted kholapuri chappals, dunno why but seem to like them even though they don't have any purpose whatsoever.
Other than that at present just hanging out with my friends and collecting and sending all my numerous documents! Such a pain...
And of course enjoying my last few days as a free bird before college literally devours me!