The Rant

People around me seem to hate the word confrontation..

I mean if u really have a problem come and tell me cuz I'm sooooo sick and tired running after you all the fucking time trying to ask you "Wtf is wrong with u ?! Whats your bloody problem in life!"

But then again doesn't seem worth it, to bring it up even..

and since many if you who are reading this know exactly what I'm talking about.. please do enlighten me as to what is going.. I would sometimes like to know too!

Finally getting my phone back what a relief! Good things do happen when you least expect it.

But apart from all this... the other side is that this term seems to be playing out very interestingly.. I think the word is serendipity, looking for something else but accidentally stumbling on something better... I know it was an accident but I do know your secret now its just a matter of time before the wrong people find out! I know your reading this.... what can i say it was too good to pass up!

sayo naraaaaa

OK so its weird where this week i have really learnt that somethings from the beginning were way beyond my control and even if i tried it wouldn't be possible to change it for a fact!

I cant change the fact that some people just hate each other so much they don't even talk to each other or work it out. People can behave so totally immature sometimes.

And then life throws you one of those curve balls and your so unprepared that you just have to sit out and watch the sequence of events that follow without you being able to anything

about it.

I think I'm having a generally sucky week and over thinking this too much!

ohhhhhh myyyyyyy gaaaawwwwwdddd!!!!

I have been looking over the past one year and reflecting over it and man has it been a roller coaster ride!

I'm sure change is a continuous thing and all of us go through with it and stuff but hmmmm if i was one year ago same time and someone gave me a brief run through of the year I would have probably told them to go to hell!

Things change people change life changes ... C'est la vie..

Happy new year everyone! To better beginnings and continuing prosperity..

I do sound like a 50yr old!

Have you ever seen the rain

Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm,
I know;
It's been comin' for some time.
When it's over, so they say,
It'll rain a sunny day,
I know;
Shinin' down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before,
Sun is cold and rain is hard,
I know;
Been that way for all my time.
'Til forever, on it goes
Through the circle, fast and slow,
I know;
It can't stop, I wonder.


This songs been running through my head for the past few days.. we had like 48 hours worth of continuous rain and everything is so wet but I'm not complaining .. its made things a lot better. I can totally relate to the lyrics theres a calm before the storm but at the end it'll rain a sunny day! I wanna walk without my umbrella in the rain and just not care how hard the rain comes down. I totally miss Kudla and can't wait to get back...

[picture courtesy: Nikhil Narayanaswamy]

meetup

text message : hey everyone I'm back in Bangalore lets meet up!

and we did... Long time no see. So lots of stuff to catch up on right? right???

Wrong.

Order lunch... eat look at plate , talk a little more, small laugh eat more.. *forks clinking on plates*

Can we shift to a better venue???

Jimi's terrace, music , booze and people.
Ohhhhhhh.....yaaaaaa
That seemed to lift every ones spirits up (no pun intended)
sitting down with a drink with friends and just talking about how life back 5 years ago was ... well it felt good!
Now I can go be happy again and not sulk around for a while or maybe that was just the booze talking! lol

Something I just came across online

Why u can't be nice

O k maybe i really messed it up this time.
With a person you couldn't always call a friend but she was pretty important and probably a huge chunk of my coll life considering we have to spend almost 6 hours a day at least together.
The thing is it isn't so simple.
At times I really can't stand her but the other times i think shes a nice person . I try to be nice to her but I invariably end up hurting her. Its just that at times she gets on my nerves like by acting super dominating and with the oh I'm so better than you attitude and you can never really be right and if she doesn't know anything its not applicable or relevant in the field of medicine that it really gets to me and pushes me off the edge and I end up doing or saying something completely stupid that she gets unfortunately extra pissed off at. And later I feel like a total idiot.
But she can be a nice person and she is at times sometimes more often than the other side. Which I find really cool. Cuz at times we do share the same interests stuff it would just make it a lot easier if we just got along most of the time...
Not just for us but for everyone.

Post 26/11

We all know about what happened on 26/11 and the aftermath of that.
So the question on most peoples minds is "so what next?".
Mumbai, Hyderabad , Delhi and now... Bangalore?
As thousands of people keep telling me the terror threat in Bangalore is quite large and we're sitting on a time bomb and dunno exactly when its gonna explode or hopefully very much just deactivate we just have to wonder so what are we really suppose to do?
Every ones going about their work normally but theres an increased awareness among people. Something makes a loud noise and we turn that way and sorta jump.
The area in which my college campus is situated is supposedly a very sensitive area where there are frequent riots and curfews.So the other day as we all drag ourselves down to the mess for breakfast and suddenly hear a BOOM and then flames everyone wakes up and rushes away from the window . Thankfully it was just some idiot who lit a fire with rubbish in it and something went off but hardly anyone went and sat near the window after that.

I just got back home to Bangalore today and my mom gives me a lecture about where not to go and what not to do. Do not enter malls and crowded areas. Be careful when going towards the majestic side etc etc. My mom happens to be slightly paranoid ( the understatement of the year).
Its affected all of us but are we handling this in the right way? Restricting our movements? Avoiding certain areas? And how long is this vigilance gonna last one two months at the max and then back to normal until something else happens?
Or can we prevent that?

Turning twenty

A few nights ago a couple of my friends were hanging around my room when my roommate goes like shit I'm gonna turn twenty in a couple of months and went into this melodramatic explanation about how she was getting old and she hasn't done much in her twenty odd years of life.Two decades of life down.. sigh its like a turning point on life!
We each contemplated and realised that neither have we. We haven't done crazy extremely wacky stuff that we can just picture ourselves doing them. We sat talking about our future and about how once were done with college these will be the major chunk of our good memories and we need to make them special.
My roommate also pointed out that we don't have much time. Since most of us are turning twenty soon or so she believes. So we made a list. Each of the seven of us made a list on what we need to do before were twenty we even cut out an old shoebox and started collecting funds on monthly basis we christened it ' for extremely crazy messed up shit before turning twenty fund'. I was made the treasurer and hence the box resides in my room and whenever people keep coming to my room for stuff they look at it and laugh. We know that years from now even when we look back at this we were gonna laugh our asses off too. Till then were pretty damn serious were gonna pull this off...

emotion(less)

I found myself in a situation the other day where I was sitting with two total stranger talking about -MEN . One a house wife and the other a recent MBA graduate we were stuck in a car together and just started talking out of sheer boredom.

The topic just came out of the blue. The two of them started out about how easy it is for a man to manipulate a woman if he just appeals to her emotional side. Haven't we all been a victim to this sometime or the other?

But I just realised it works out both ways. True women are more emotional than men generally are, but this hasn't stopped a lot of guys to give me the line " you played with my feelings" etc etc. All I could say to them was how so?

So most people can't help it when theres emotion involved and no matter how hard we try to put a barrier between places we shouldn't involve the emotional side to get the better of us it usually does.

Which kinda just leaves us against our last defences- but we're only human...

Piercings

I decided that two holes on each side of my ear are not enough. So I decided to go in for more...
So I went to the place and got my ears pierced twice on each side again. Now I eight piercings in total on both ears.
A lot of people I know where clip ons and stuff. I feel its a bit wussy on their part to sit with five clip ons on each ear! Come on! Grow up and get it pierced! So people do ask the normal questions after you get something pierced like
"Did it hurt?", "Don't you prefer getting it done under anesthesia?", " Can you sleep?" "Cant you just get clip ons? "
To the last question as if!!!
Yes it does hurt, if you do it by gun shot its similar to someone stapling your ear,
And no for the first few days its impossible to sleep on your sides. You gotta sleep supine in a rigor mortis position. You can only take out the earrings they put during the piercing safely only three to four weeks afterwards though. This is to allow the wound to safely heal.

Now I gotta go shop for some rings...

How the holidays just start sucking

Exams are almost always followed by holidays. These holidays gives you time to rejuvenate ,recreate and repent writing those exams.
Holidays also gives you the time to do those things you wouldn't be able to do on normal working days like take up a class or go out somewhere nice etc.
I remember during the last few days of my exam I was always planning how I'm gonna spend my one month worth of holidays. But as soon as they started I realised things sometimes don't work out the way they were suppose to and even if they did you end up getting bored in a couple of days anyways.
So whats the whole point of having holidays when your gonna end up getting bored with it anyways? And probably spend most of your time online or staring at the TV watching a re run of some old show you've watched five billion times.
The only thing I've probably been doing in the holidays would be classes particularly driving classes - release clutch , depress accelerator, 1st gear , neutral , 2nd gear. Yup. Meeting up with a couple of friends and watching TV. So what if I haven't watched TV for almost a year this overload is not good anyways!
Anyways if anyone has good ideas about how to spend free time please please please help me out.
Thank you.

Changes

A recent phone conversation with my friend made me realise that a lots changed in such a short expanse of time. Aren't we all striving towards becoming better individuals than what we were? We can't all just stagnate over time can we?
We were just talking about close friends and how we've been all changing... constantly. I've lost touch with a lot of them and was shocked at some of the stuff my friend was telling me about. Like the fact that I missed out on this wedding of one of my friends back home which made me realise that crap! shes got a husband I don't even have a boyfriend! Then theres the transformation of one of my friends underwent like this radical makeover minus plastic surgery supposedly I won't even be able to recognise her. From this total tomboyish look to this total chic look . Sneakers were replaced by 6 inch heels, from talks about brands like Nike and Adidas to L'oreal over Maybellene even her taste in guys has supposedly changed. Then there was this one friend who's gone into total depression and is currently on anti depressants. I still feel really shitty sometimes when i think about this considering we were pretty close at one point of time.

I use to think only girls complained about how fat they've become but this guy I know keeps complaining about his weight when hes actually become super skinny. lots of guys who started wildly experimenting with their hair and some really painful piercings (ouch!).
Then there was my friend who was on the other end who became a lot more artsy, a facet of her personality I've never seen.
I asked her about what she thought about me. She said " You know... I've always seen you make right descions and fast ones too but now you seem to be totally and utterly... confused"
hmm...

Hows life?

Sunday morning
10:30 am
I'm still fast asleep
beep beep
With one eye open I try to find my phone. Its lying there somewhere on that table. Groping around for it and I finally do find it.

Text message : Hey , hows life?



Normally hardly any of us would think twice before replying to this. A friend who hasn't messaged in a while outta slight curiosity to know what you've been up to messages and asks "hows life?" Depending on how close this friend is I would use my discretion on how much information to give him/ her. But at that point of time I just stared at it for a while. I must have looked really weird at that moment with my hair all over the place in the morning, my blanket still on me in this awkward sit up position staring at my cell phone screen . My roommate walks in at that point and goes "you alright???"

"huh , ya just woke up"

After sitting up in a better position ,still staring at my screen I ask myself. So hows life?

Good? great?slow ? fast? bad? sad? terrible?sweet? spicy? icy? ... (the last part was cuz my stomach was growling.) But jokes apart how many of us can really answer that?

How is life? At that point of time I could say its relatively OK.. slightly on the boring side but otherwise I really dunno.

So I hit reply

"Life's... cool!!"
Cool???
Cool = I don't really know what to reply to that so I replace it with the most ambiguous word that could possibly mean anything at this minute.
Sigh... I've got a lot to learn.

The kite festival

my kite

OK, so boring Saturday we just finished theory internals the hostel is like empty. The entire ground floor is deserted, theres absolutely nothing on TV, my roommate and me are just sitting around...

So what do we decide to do?

The kite festival!

She thought I was joking, come on its so far away you can't be serious and stuff.

In the end I pushed two girls outta the hostel with me and we all set out to watch the kite festival.

The international kite festival was on this beach called panambur, really far away from where we stay so we took an hour or so to get there. It was nice. The beach is nice and big the sand is pretty fine so we all took out sandals off put it in my bag and set off towards the shops. The nice thing about those shops there is that the sand from the ocean just comes into the shops so the floor is nice fine white sand which really feels good in between your toes. We bought a couple of these shell trinkets they usually sell. Then we saw that they were actually selling some of these kites for the rest of us to fly. I decided I wanted to fly one too. So we bought a kite, took it out to the beach and flew it . It was pretty exciting, we all felt like little kids flying kites on the beach. Running away from people who were trying to cut out kites!

>sand sculptures

Finally I just sat down in the sand watching the kite festival from afar. Supposedly each kite took like eight to ten man hours to make and they were so beautiful, birds,dragons depictions etc etc people from different countries like Belgium, Italy, Korea,China ,Us, Australia had come to fly kites. It looked pretty amazing. The whole sky with different shapes and sizes of kites.

In the end we were tired and decided to head back. Kites in hand, reliving those childhood memories of flying kites! Now that kite hangs in my room reminding me everyday that the kid is still inside me and that simple things like kites and sunny windy afternoons at beaches could bring it out!

the biggest kite

The bleeders room

So its new years eve and as my previous post said... I get extremely depressed thinking about what I've really done this year. So ya I'm sitting in my friends room as usual lost. All of a sudden she gets a call from Nikhil. B positive blood needed. Someone who hasn't had a vaccination in the last fifteen days. Our entire class got vaccinated a couple days back. Since I've already got my shots I was spared. So he asks me if I could donate blood. I really dunno what got into me but ya i was all joshed up, maybe I can do something worthwhile for once.
So we rushed to the hospital. Every time I step into that place I think someday I'm gonna be walking in here white coat Dr tag and work here... that hospital really gives me a high. So anyways theres Nikhil- shorts tee. Just got out of the room looks. On the way briefing me on what happened to the guy and why he needs blood and stuff. Supposedly he had a renal failure. We reach the blood bank,
Nikhil: you really ready to do this?
Me: ya
Nikhil: have you had malaria TB or anything?
Me:nope
Nikhil: Have you got drunk in the past 24 hours?
Me: *eyebrow raised*
Nikhil: k just kidding .. fill in the form.

Done.
The guy checks my hemoglobin. I notice two rooms in the blood bank the bleeders room, the refreshments room. There were more but those two were the only ones that caught my attention. Some of my friends came along with me... for support as they call it. Curiosity too.
We were sitting and all talking I'm lying down supine on the bed. Guy puts a spighmamanometer into my takes my arm injects this thick needle into me right into my medial cubital vein (don't bother I'm just showing of that I actually studied anatomy). He gives me a sponge and tells me to hold it in a fist that's so that the veins don't collapse.
The whole procedure took like half an hour another classmate came along too. Guess they needed a lot of blood.
It was extremely weird to see a huge thick fat needle sticking out of my arm. Every ones just talking, they said something funny I tried to laugh ha ha ended up saying ouch instead. After that I just listened to the sound of them talking rather than trying to make out what they were saying.
The guy came back in and took the needle off. told me to flex my arm and hold cotton. After a while I was asked to sit up straight. Felt wobbly first but then I was fine. Gave me some apple juice! Yay!
Then I could leave. The patients wife thanked the two of us. So maybe I did do something good. Not a total waste of the year.
Nikhil stops me at the door holds up three fingers and goes "how much am I holding up"
Me: five
Nikhil: ya shes good...

Rewind back

So the New year approaches. That usual talk about new year resolutions. Damn I wonder.. is it even worth making this time? I mean whats the point? As one of my friends put it new year resolutions are meant to be broken. So the whole point of making them is for ... (fun? lack of alternative options? the heck of it?)
So I started thinking what it was about this year that made it so special-
rewind back

• admissions
• new friends they've brought about a hell load of fun with them... i have never been so not bored in my life!
  
• new place,new coll
• my first taste of the hostel life
• new experiences
• high suspense drama ( OK I exaggerated on that one ) But ya I've seen stuff out of a soap opera played in my life. I never thought stuff like this would ever happen in reality and least of all in mine, guess I was wrong wrong wrong.
  

So the key word there was basically NEW and damn this year has just run by so fast. I still remember last new years eve. The quiet one alone at home. How fun was that? lol. Had to give my dog company on new years eve ( I know , its suppose to be the other way round).Party or no party new years eve is rather depressing for me, one year down what have I really done this year? Sorta gets to me at times, what a waste and why ain't I even bothering to do something about that.
Unlike some people I don't have exams in the first week of Jan.
It starts mid Jan , crap! The towering portions, difficult topics... oh ya I'm gonna get majorly fucked!

the lesson so far

She walks away head held up high, arrogance all around her, over confidence as some teacher put it later.
As she did the one thing that went through my head was these are the kind of people I need to keep away from for the rest of my college life. The over achievers who make me feel more insignificant than i already am. Later would i discover they were a whole breed of people like this. It was orientation day, first day of college we were just getting to know each other. Looking at our class, the people who I would be spending the next five and a half years. New place , new people. I felt like everyone else unsure, a bit scared, wondering whats gonna happen next. But this chick wow she comes and talks to me as though shes been doing this forever. I was a tad bit annoyed. How can anyone be like that?
Weeks rolled by we really did get to know each other or thought we did at least. For the first few weeks everyone was wondering what the other person was doing and assessing them accordingly. Who really did open the fresh printed textbooks first, who was loud who was not, who had attitude, who didn't. I listened to some of this most of it just curiosity with these new people and their behavior habits.
This chick seemed the topic of conversation all the time. Her weird habits, the way she made a couple of people feel terrible. Etc etc etc. Then it got personal. She said something which sorta struck a chord.
My roommates didn't say anything I didn't really get what she was trying to say and there was an uncomfortable pause. She walks off.
My roommates looked at me for five secs and then one of them was like "you really didn't give it back to her did you?"
That was it...
Whenever we saw each other it would always be this verbal lashing peppered in a really sweet way. Then she delivered this killer line " you know , we're gonna be in the same batch and same class for the next five and half years!"
Fuck! She was so right.
We had an exam the next day. Both me and her were stuck with the same tough experiment.
We fudged.... yup. Its like 2 hours just brought us together after weeks of bitterness.
Its hard to explain what happened it probably went something like this- we both wanted the marks. It was as though nothing happened.
After that we started talking , i respected her peculiarities she sorta came into terms with mine.
You can't really call us best friends, but you can't call us people who have bitterness between them. We're working on it. Feels good.
The lesson so far-Time changes things so drastically sometimes, who would even imagine...

Sleep.

When people ask you for your favorite pastimes and you say sleep does that immediately put you into the category of being the most boring person on this planet? I recently just realised that this is true. Some of the most boring people in the world openly declare that their favorite hobbies are sleeping.
Me for example.
Till date I would say that one of my favorite pastimes is sleeping(!). Initially it was just to bug people off. I never really liked the whole what your favorite hobbies, pastimes,interests etc... kinda gets lame cuz whenever you meet someone this is like the first thing they ask you . Can't blame them either... Their just trying to get to know you.. but still its something about that sorta gets me edgy all the time.
Later I did realise that I love to sleep be a lazy brat and ... snore away to glory. Come on you can't blame me either my sleep deprived schedule makes me crave for more sleep than the daily requirement for it in the end I sleep excessively.
I decided to change that and play a more active role in my life lol. By NOT NOT sleeping all the time. And not bore people to death with that dead look.
This whole thing sorta came about when a classmate told me on how emotionless,dead and pathetic I look. The fact that I'd been having a really bad week was a different story but still...
Sorta got me thinking about why I might be growing socially in adept , like a slow mental retardation taking over.
Its probably the water though.
We can fix that... I think.

Happy Diwali

I found people fall into three categories- those who just love to celebrate festivals would take pain staking efforts to make sure every thing is in order, those who just don't care and bother about what it is, just another day and then the third category- those people who are like stuck in between the extremes. The last ones me.
I've always sorta been stuck in between two opposite forces in my house an agnostic parent and a religious one. When a friend asks me "what plans for diwali?" I'm usually like probably go to a few places we're invited to, sweets , crackers etc.
But recently I just pondered about what is diwali to me and does it really mean something more to me? Festivals are usually that one time where everyone is always around. And I realised this is like the one time of the year where everyone s going to be under one roof eating, talking, laughing ,joking having fun! And recently I realised that Diwali really did mean a lot to me, because it brought everyone together to celebrate something.

So happy diwali everyone and a safe one too! Have fun!!!