Take that

There's a lot of metaphorical kicking in the balls happening. I'm not a person to vent through a text message but that's what happened today. It felt really good.
Its been weeks. I really have this urge to KICK HIM WHERE IT HURTS THE MOST. And no no that's not his heart. cuz he doesn't really have one. Strung up the choicest words possible put it all together and sent it as a text. I thought I would never be that person who did. But it really felt good. To tell this person how I really really felt. What it felt like to be at the receiving end of all the bullshit.
I wanted him to realise. I knew he did. And I really hope it hurts. I really want it to hurt.

Love Lockdown

By now I'm just listening to a cover of  Kanye's song on the loop.
No significance of the lyrics to the story line to my life. Just the beats, Just the fucking beats.
And I wonder if I'm doing anything right. But I'm probably not.
Its those predictable storyline types where you know the protagonist is going through the shit she is and then the guy next door pops over on that lonely Saturday night when you're in your PJ's unexpectedly.
Except there is no guy next door. Just another empty room cuz its Saturday night and men are so YOLO.
You wonder if your taking it out at work, displacement disorder or whatever and probably haven't realized it yet.
Maybe you have but you would rather be unaware of these kinda things.
Go on with life. Play stupid. Don't give a damn.
Such a fun Saturday night its been. You wish you were just on call instead.

The edge

How many of us have woken up feeling that this day is positively brimming with opportunities rather than oh no its another Monday in shitsville? Put the snooze on a little longer to just experience prolong the inevitable bullshit that is the day and the people who you thought gave a fuck don't really care but pretend to anyways for other ulterior motives. Unsuspectingly you go on about your day and then shit hits the roof, abuses are exchanged, glances become hard stares and yet you go on with the day cuz it's all mundane everyday stuff.
You think you have it all figured out till someone asks you "do you really even know what you're doing?"
"Do you wanna be so argumentative about things that aren't worth it?"
Stop yourself and move on.
Reevaluate everything.

Well, it's been ages

I know it's been more than a year since I even typed on this blog or posted anything. With instagram and twitter I mean... Blogging is a thing of the past.

But I do believe it was best I didn't post my crazy life which turned upside down inside out with its highs and lows last year.

The heart breaks,  the moments of sheer pain,  the reckless words tossed around to the adrenaline rush of doing my first surgery skin to skin and the many more that followed and basking in the glow. Working,  sweating it getting results,  thesis proposal rejection to acceptance to heartbreakers, mood elevators, ugh..
It's been crazy.
Most of all its been a learning year. So much learnt about human behavior and it's complexities to all the evil around to wondering if there is any good around and when you think the world is a bad place something or someone showers you with some kind light and gets you thinking "hey its not that bad" and you sigh in  relief think it's all gonna be ok and just be grateful. Grateful for everything you have. Just grateful.