Rewind back

So the New year approaches. That usual talk about new year resolutions. Damn I wonder.. is it even worth making this time? I mean whats the point? As one of my friends put it new year resolutions are meant to be broken. So the whole point of making them is for ... (fun? lack of alternative options? the heck of it?)
So I started thinking what it was about this year that made it so special-
rewind back

• admissions
• new friends they've brought about a hell load of fun with them... i have never been so not bored in my life!
  
• new place,new coll
• my first taste of the hostel life
• new experiences
• high suspense drama ( OK I exaggerated on that one ) But ya I've seen stuff out of a soap opera played in my life. I never thought stuff like this would ever happen in reality and least of all in mine, guess I was wrong wrong wrong.
  

So the key word there was basically NEW and damn this year has just run by so fast. I still remember last new years eve. The quiet one alone at home. How fun was that? lol. Had to give my dog company on new years eve ( I know , its suppose to be the other way round).Party or no party new years eve is rather depressing for me, one year down what have I really done this year? Sorta gets to me at times, what a waste and why ain't I even bothering to do something about that.
Unlike some people I don't have exams in the first week of Jan.
It starts mid Jan , crap! The towering portions, difficult topics... oh ya I'm gonna get majorly fucked!

the lesson so far

She walks away head held up high, arrogance all around her, over confidence as some teacher put it later.
As she did the one thing that went through my head was these are the kind of people I need to keep away from for the rest of my college life. The over achievers who make me feel more insignificant than i already am. Later would i discover they were a whole breed of people like this. It was orientation day, first day of college we were just getting to know each other. Looking at our class, the people who I would be spending the next five and a half years. New place , new people. I felt like everyone else unsure, a bit scared, wondering whats gonna happen next. But this chick wow she comes and talks to me as though shes been doing this forever. I was a tad bit annoyed. How can anyone be like that?
Weeks rolled by we really did get to know each other or thought we did at least. For the first few weeks everyone was wondering what the other person was doing and assessing them accordingly. Who really did open the fresh printed textbooks first, who was loud who was not, who had attitude, who didn't. I listened to some of this most of it just curiosity with these new people and their behavior habits.
This chick seemed the topic of conversation all the time. Her weird habits, the way she made a couple of people feel terrible. Etc etc etc. Then it got personal. She said something which sorta struck a chord.
My roommates didn't say anything I didn't really get what she was trying to say and there was an uncomfortable pause. She walks off.
My roommates looked at me for five secs and then one of them was like "you really didn't give it back to her did you?"
That was it...
Whenever we saw each other it would always be this verbal lashing peppered in a really sweet way. Then she delivered this killer line " you know , we're gonna be in the same batch and same class for the next five and half years!"
Fuck! She was so right.
We had an exam the next day. Both me and her were stuck with the same tough experiment.
We fudged.... yup. Its like 2 hours just brought us together after weeks of bitterness.
Its hard to explain what happened it probably went something like this- we both wanted the marks. It was as though nothing happened.
After that we started talking , i respected her peculiarities she sorta came into terms with mine.
You can't really call us best friends, but you can't call us people who have bitterness between them. We're working on it. Feels good.
The lesson so far-Time changes things so drastically sometimes, who would even imagine...

Sleep.

When people ask you for your favorite pastimes and you say sleep does that immediately put you into the category of being the most boring person on this planet? I recently just realised that this is true. Some of the most boring people in the world openly declare that their favorite hobbies are sleeping.
Me for example.
Till date I would say that one of my favorite pastimes is sleeping(!). Initially it was just to bug people off. I never really liked the whole what your favorite hobbies, pastimes,interests etc... kinda gets lame cuz whenever you meet someone this is like the first thing they ask you . Can't blame them either... Their just trying to get to know you.. but still its something about that sorta gets me edgy all the time.
Later I did realise that I love to sleep be a lazy brat and ... snore away to glory. Come on you can't blame me either my sleep deprived schedule makes me crave for more sleep than the daily requirement for it in the end I sleep excessively.
I decided to change that and play a more active role in my life lol. By NOT NOT sleeping all the time. And not bore people to death with that dead look.
This whole thing sorta came about when a classmate told me on how emotionless,dead and pathetic I look. The fact that I'd been having a really bad week was a different story but still...
Sorta got me thinking about why I might be growing socially in adept , like a slow mental retardation taking over.
Its probably the water though.
We can fix that... I think.

The pink shock

I think that its high time I start writing about some serious stuff on my blog. I need to address this extremely serious and pressing issue. Its about the colour pink - ON MEN!!!
Last week I was calmly sitting and watching TV , flipping channels as usual. I come to this one show, one of those dance contests. All of a sudden out of no where - BANG! this guy dressed head to toe in pink turns up, not just any pink but SHOCKING PINK! I go like "eee look what he's wearing daddy"
My dad goes like "pink is like being accepted by men everywhere, its trendy!"
Noooooooooooooooo they took my dad too. Next everyone is gonna tell me that pink is the new black! Yuck!
I've asked most girls on their take on this controversial topic. 99% say pink on men is just sooooo gay! Its a total turn off.Purple is OK - OK but pink, no way.
Screw fashion magazines for showing metro sexual men wearing pink shirts, jerseys, ties... ugh the list is endless. I even came across an article which went by the name "only real men wear pink". Well I guess it really does take guts to put on something which can be a turn off to the opposite sex and walk around the streets like nothing happened.
I do manage to see quite a few guys on the road in pink. "cute guy, eeeww wtf is he wearing?"
I cringe at the sight of pink on guys. Especially the cute ones.. sigh.. what a waste!
For the betterment of mankind ... guys please ditch the pink!

Happy Diwali

I found people fall into three categories- those who just love to celebrate festivals would take pain staking efforts to make sure every thing is in order, those who just don't care and bother about what it is, just another day and then the third category- those people who are like stuck in between the extremes. The last ones me.
I've always sorta been stuck in between two opposite forces in my house an agnostic parent and a religious one. When a friend asks me "what plans for diwali?" I'm usually like probably go to a few places we're invited to, sweets , crackers etc.
But recently I just pondered about what is diwali to me and does it really mean something more to me? Festivals are usually that one time where everyone is always around. And I realised this is like the one time of the year where everyone s going to be under one roof eating, talking, laughing ,joking having fun! And recently I realised that Diwali really did mean a lot to me, because it brought everyone together to celebrate something.

So happy diwali everyone and a safe one too! Have fun!!!

The interrogation

So the thing with me and my family is, we hardly talk on the phone when I'm at the hostel. Its always like its a timed talk. Dad or Mom asks

• How are you?
• Hows college?
• How far have you gotten in your anatomy dissection?

Three usual and probably only questions they ask me, if anything extra is to be said the whole conversation lasts for 6 minutes tops.
Last time my dad came to visit me he met a couple of my friends. The first question he asks is not hows hostel, weather, food, anything... noooooo he asks them so you guys at the same dissection table?
Oh ya... sent alarm bells ringing in my friends head. They all thought he'd take an on spot viva right there. Yes my friends still do talk to me.
So when I was home this Diwali break I was asked

Dad: So do they give you pickle to eat in the mess?
me: ya they do
sis: what sports do you play?
mom: shes a medical student , she doesn't have time to play (grrrr...)
me: (ignores comment) ya I do occasionally play t.t or shuttle or something.
Dad:TT that's good... helps you become dexterous ,helps perform surgeries better.

a little while later, I dunno how this came up but dad asks :what do platlets do?
me:(crap , viva!!!) out of syllabus...

I swear i couldn't remember a word of that stuff when my dad asks me all these sudden questions. I do comparatively better in the vivas in college.At least I know what a platelet does---- it CLOTS! Fucking hell! Thank god I just come here twice a year or my self confidence levels would be non existent!
Sorta contradictory to my previous post, but my family is like this when it comes to academics.. I swear they're pretty normal otherwise.
Really...

CPR

OK so this is revival blog operation! Yes my blog is not dead... I still exist thought some consider that since my blog hasn't been updated for so long , so that means I probably died in some freak accident or I just lost interest, i disappeared off the face of this earth...

BUT NO!!!!!

I'M BACK BABY!!

OK so the reason why my blog hasn't been updated for so long is cuz of a lot of chaos in my life, not to worry clearing the clutter right now.
So first things first, first sessional's done, unexpected things happened , but all for the better YEAY!

I'm single, oh ya... and quite frankly enjoying it. That ain't gonna change for a long time. Ithink I've had enough guy trouble in the past few months . (To all those who know what I'm talking about U guys must really be laughing your asses off at my expense, those hilarious situations I found myself in!)

Feels so good to be back home for the Diwali break. Parents pampering you, even my dogs giving me that extra attention I deserve . (Attention seeker ain't I!)

Good food, good company, good life, what more could i ask for.
If only life was eternally this blissful. I'm asking for too much ain't I...

The ghat

2:03 I wake up with a start. Why the hell had the bus stopped? My friend sitting next to the window pointed out that the driver was like gonna drive us almost off the cliff. crap! We wouldn't even have known even since we were sleeping. Death would have come in my sleep, however fitful that was.
Then the bus started rolling backwards... OK so we were going back to Mangalore- right where we came from. crap!
Finally after a lot of unsuccessful ignition start ups they finally gave up and asked us to hitchhike rides! At two in the morning! hardly anything stopped. In front of me stood the road ,behind me the cliff with a sheer drop. The fog was starting to thicken and the only light coming was the light from the bus. The valley below was not even visible , the fog was closing in on our small group of abandoned passengers. Spooky.The buses that came by would hardly bother to stop.
After quite a while of waiting something came around the bend. With its glaring light we assumed it was only another bus which would not stop. But stop it did.... Mercifully!
An ac bus with like seats which had no bed bugs . Our previous one had quite a few which kept us itching into the night. Definitely god sent!
And yes i reached home safe!

my first surgical cut.

Let laughter cease and comfort flee,
this is the place where death enlightens to educate the living.

This is probably the first thing that catches your attention as you walk into out anatomy dissection lab. Yes we finally had dissection today, yes I finally dissected a cadaver today. After like a month of waiting YES YES YES!!! So we enter our lab today white coats, dissection kit, a lab manual. We hurry to get a good seat near the bodies. Our first glimpse at the full length of the body. The smell of formalin in the air. Sorta makes you sick.
We finally sit down and the teacher comes explains to us how we use a scalpel ,forceps and etc etc, procedures, and what exactly we're suppose to be dissecting.
She asks us who's ready to start dissection first, nearly everyone jump at that. Cant blame us for being a little over enthu on the fact that this is the first time we've come to something this close that was one human walking talking and even breathing like us.
So each of us start dissecting. I feel a little too sick. I guess it was the formalin. At least three of them fainted and another threw up. But over all was a good experience.
As I come out I text my dad explaining to him what i dissected and his reply went something like this- welcome to the real world of being a med student!

A tribute to my bitches

So this post as the name suggests is to my so oh close friends who i miss so much - nami, dc, keerthi, samu,ananya ... i so love u guys! I guess I didnt thank you guys very well.

Well not to sound gay or anything but you guys have been there with me for so long.

To Samu- talking to you on the phone the night i was not in my senses on the ride back home, cant believe you put up with me even when I was half gone and pretty rude. Also to the time I thought KK got arrested and wanted you to come with me to the police station. Ha ha you so stood by me... thank you.

To Nami- those rough times with Ann and magnetic effects( man we did study like crap that time) those light minutes where you made me feel so good about myself when I was feeling low.

Those bf talks, those exchange of ideas , debates, dancing till we dropped! lol.

To Ananya- purple haze, curls, late night chats, drama in every minute of our life! Whether it was jacking someone or just having pure fun, and of course the heart to hearts. Taught me a lot haven't you!

To dc- how would I have survive 12th without you! Your company is always cherished. And omg! those serious bitching sessions , rides back home, tuition, dhai batata puri etc

To keerthi- confessions! I probably confessed right about anything to you. 9th std and of course the usual bitching and ur puris and gobi manchuri were delicious!

Now as i sit in my room in the hostel you pics adorn my side and everyone who stops by asks me who you guys are and says the pics are damn funny! Thank you guys oh-so much for everything. Without you guys, I wouldn't be who I was...

White wash and hockey

So I'm sitting here today to escape from the stench of my white washed room . All my stuff is scattered around in my friends rooms. Three bags filled with junk, a mattress and god knows what else I've accumulated over the ages! Now I don't think I can get into that room for ages to come.
That would probably be the only highlight of my day. That and Independence day. My first Independence day at Mangalore (no significance).
We all woke up at 6 wore complete white and had to sing this patriotic song . After ten just got into a pair of jeans and fled to the city. Bharat mall... pretty decent even though its a bit smaller than forum, Bangalore. It was fifteen of us from hostel who were gonna watch a Sharukh Khan starer- chuck De India. Hearts filled with patriotism all of us went shouted cheers booed etc etc in the theatre. It didn't feel third rate at all.
Was so much fun and made the movie way better to watch!It was nice to let our hair down get out and get away from college, hostel ,anatomy,physiology and bio chem! That's what happens when a really large group have an outing together!
Kick ass fun!

then now and later

Is silence a bad thing? Is the sudden feeling of emptiness inside you fill you with dread?
No I am not PMS-ing I am simply stating my current position right now.
The feeling of dread and at the same time sadness of leaving something behind. Looking at you future and wondering where its gonna take you, imbibing where you currently are- it seems so surreal. But unfortunately / fortunately- that's reality. We have to face it at some point of time. Starting all over again maybe refreshing but at the same time hard- getting into the daily grind. Ah well not so easy.
Sometimes I feel so lost that I just drift away from here to someplace else. Its like a trance. Until someone brings me back to reality. Relationships strained over distances, family stopped calling (this is not necessarily a bad thing!). They all seem so far away in a different dimension of my life even though everyone is a phone call away. So they do tell me whats going on in their lives, but it feels so vague that-almost untrue or rather far away. Its this psychological thing i guess...


whew!

week one

So its my first week here.
Its been one hell of one too. With late phonecalls with friends and sister this might actually be better for our relationship, with my sis I mean. whether its fighting on the phone or stuff like that its cool. We end up talking a lot when we haven't really done that for years- the last 11 years lol.Mom keeps worrying how im "coping" up etc etc
But I can say lifes been fun... Ha ha something my fiends envy about me and thier true fascination fills me with pride. lol. As they sit and complain about parents fight with siblings etc I'm internally laughing!
Sorry to the few friends who do read this blog... but since im venting out my feelings on this blog i thought id start with this... the major thing called independence..
Though I must say the privacy is zero.But then again going over to a friends room etc etc Laughing chit chatting lotsa fun!
Though i must say the weather is something to get use to.

The optimist approach

I apologize for my last two posts being a little too nostalgic. Three days left and I still can't stop thinking about the last things I'll be doing. Like today-last time im walking my sister to the bus stop, last friday I'll be spending here etc etc. It might be pretty silly, I know. But I can't help but thinking.. sniff sniff
Time does fly by. All those things you wanted to say, should have been said by now, all those things done. Packing is almost finished. I'm just finishing the last minute stuff now. I still dunno how to stitch anything. Hopefully when someone will teach me there.
Now as I wait, I'm thinking, 3 days to go till I can feel the sand on my feet and in between my toes!

Do your own laundry!

Off late , I've been in a mix of happy-sad emotion status' that I cant differentiate between the two anymore. Seems so overwhelming. Well finally the time has come to say good-bye to good ol' Bangalore.
The happy parts are when one of my friends called and told me that living away from home is nice and that you get a hell lot more freedom than you did when you were at Bangalore, says shes become independent and her mom is proud of her. My mom was proud of me today when I actually did the laundry i.e put the clothes in the washing machine , and put it on. ha ha ... i know it sounds pretty lame. But ya, my mom will flip when she finds me doing my laundry, and my mom can finally be proud of me. I can almost hear her saying " oh my daughter, she's such an independent woman, she can do the laundry by herself, last week she couldn't find the jam bottle by herself even though it was right next to her!" (lmao!)
Yup that's me. The girl who currently went from not finding the jam bottle to sorta finally being able to zero in on the point where it might be! I'm seriously not kidding. But anyways I do know how to take care of myself and I'm sure i can start managing to do that. At least that's one thing I can go to college and make my mom proud about! Just kidding..
Then my other friend had called, she was leaving to Mumbai, wanted to say goodbye! I feel its easier now. Now that the first time is over. But ya I felt kinda bad. (sniff!) She was a really close friend and one of those people from Bangalore I wish I could kidnap with me and take to college in case my roommates turn out to be bitches. Yup that's why I'm worried. No proper definitions for what bitches are like, I'm sure everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Well the last one week, packing still going on, toooooooo many many clothes! I hope it really doesn't exceed the luggage limit! Oh I got the last harry potter book too. To finish off what I wanted to when i was eleven! lol.Other than that trying to catch a glimpse at what life has in for me!

Leaving on a jet plane

I loved that song, it always had a beautiful melody. Now .. its just sad . After I said bye to Nami for one last time , it struck me then that in less than two weeks I'd be air borne heading towards a whole new life.
Saying good-bye is the hardest thing. Packing bags just signifies and sets in to motion the whole set of changes we will encounter in the future. Having lived at home my entire life, being so accustomed and attached to this place I feel as though going anywhere else is the hardest thing to do, this change... Might not be that easy.
Sure we might meet new friends and have experiences worth a lifetime, but this whole human tendency or rather mine to sorta make it hard to move on is killing me.
The coming week, I hope things go well. And hopefully it won't be that hard to say goodbye...

All my bags are packed
Im ready to go
Im standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin
Its early morn
The taxis waitin
Hes blowin his horn
Already Im so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Theres so many times Ive let you down
So many times Ive played around
I tell you now, they dont mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, Ill bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
Ill be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I wont have to leave alone
About the times, I wont have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Pasta 101

This is my version of making good pasta. Since I've been getting a lot of free time and using it to experiment in the kitchen.
Firstly I never estimate anything. No measuring cups no tsp. etc. I know for a beginner this is pretty bad, but still. I call it "instinctive estimation". So first things first.
The ingredients would be:

• Water (try to take a little excess of this)
• the pasta of your choice
• vegetables (for mine I used carrots, capsicum, and beans)
• seasoning (oregano and green or black pepper preferably)
• Olive oil
• pasta sauce
• salt
  

So first take the water in a large container, add salt , add the pasta and cook the pasta in it for a while. After fifteen to twenty minutes check if the pasta is cooked , preferably by self tasting and softness checking)
Im all about time saving so till then keep chopping those vegetables. Carrots need to be pureed (cooked). So chop them first. Nice small cubes.
By this time the pasta would have been cooked. Be careful to ensure that it doesn't get over cooked or undercooked , the optimum here would be to endure the pasta is soft yet not gooey.
Drain the water using a drainer and put the pasta aside to dry for sometime. Next take to vegetables add a little cooking oil in the pan and toss those vegetables around while sprinkling seasoning . Mix properly. take the past in a big dry frying pan.About now , the pasta tries to stick together. Add olive oil and mix well. Don't add to much. As the pasta become too greasy.
Add the seasoned sauted vegetables and mix everything together well.
Next add pasta sauce, Now don't despair if the pasta become a bit too liquidy, tip the pan over and drain the excess liquid , or under desperate measures like what I went through, just put the entire pasta in water and this will drain the excess stuff.
After this mix well and taste, then its all left to you to estimate. What it needs in extra to suit ur taste buds or to suit the taste buds of the people you are catering to.

more on
Sautéing and Puréeing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saut%C3%A9ing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pur%C3%A9e

Entourage

One day before the show premier's in India and i can say... I'm such a tv addict... watching prison break season 2 on dvd for two hours straight and then episode reviews on TV.com i think i'm officially gonna lose it pretty soon.



Vincent Chase.... *drool*

The placebo effect

I always fell for it, as a kid. It would be the same routine, i get sick my parents give me something, I thought I was fooling them but it turned out it was the opposite they were fooling me, and then i would say "oh it worked I'm feeling better again". probably miss the smirk on their faces.
I, a child of eight cant understand what tablets for what thinking that as soon as i swallow it it makes me feel way better.
In my later years I did realize that tablets don work as soon as they enter your body, they need time. But i still I feel a bit of relief as soon as a gulp down a pill and say oh alright...
As they say its all in the mind...
And so I'd like to believe.
Placebo to me is a psychological state of mind.
In modern age , the placebo is used by psychiatrists to cure depression. My mom a practising gynaecologist says that for minor problems she usually uses a placebo, the patient dutifully reports back saying all is well, she says she hates it when patients get addicted to drugs which they wouldn't and didn't need in the first place.

there is certainly data that suggest that just being in the healing situation accomplishes something. Depressed patients who are merely put on a waiting list for treatment do not do as well as those given placebos. And -- this is very telling, I think -- when placebos are given for pain management, the course of pain relief follows what you would get with an active drug. The peak relief comes about an hour after it's administered, as it does with the real drug, and so on. If placebo analgesia was the equivalent of giving nothing, you'd expect a more random pattern ("The Placebo Prescription" by Margaret Talbot, New York Times Magazine, January 9, 2000).*

a young Seattle cardiologist named Leonard Cobb conducted a unique trial of a procedure then commonly used for angina, in which doctors made small incisions in the chest and tied knots in two arteries to try to increase blood flow to the heart. It was a popular technique -- 90 percent of patients reported that it helped -- but when Cobb compared it with placebo surgery in which he made incisions but did not tie off the arteries, the sham operations proved just as successful. The procedure, known as internal mammary ligation, was soon abandoned ("The Placebo Prescription" by Margaret Talbot, New York Times Magazine, January 9, 2000)

The idea of a powerful placebo in modern times originated with H K Beecher. He evaluated that over two dozen studies and calculated that about one-third of those studies improved due to the placebo effect.
The placebo effect may be quite harmful and dangerous in serious cases , may even be considered as a quack procedure.

Patients can become dependent on nonscientific practitioners who employ placebo therapies. Such patients may be led to believe they're suffering from imagined "reactive" hypoglycemia, nonexistent allergies and yeast infections, dental filling amalgam "toxicity," or that they're under the power of Qi or extraterrestrials. And patients can be led to believe that diseases are only amenable to a specific type of treatment from a specific practitioner (The Mysterious Placebo by John E. Dodes, Skeptical Inquirer, Jan/Feb 1997).

From then ... to now

What they do say is true... time does fly by sometimes, you hardly notice, especially the last few months which have just gone by in jiffy.
Seems strange when you look back those past few months and you look at things now they seem very different and totally unexpected in ways.
Like ... i never thought I would patch up with this one friend and always thought that when I meant never I really meant it. Well i'm really glad that i didn't and things worked out between us in the end.
I was filling up her journal today and thought of all the things we've been through, the good , the bad and the ugly. How time changes the perception of things and people...
In ways these changes can be viewed as a really good thing in other ways bad.
And then theres the whole going away to college. I had probably anticipated it. But only when the realty of it hit me did a understand the true meaning of what it meant. It meant, leaving home after living here for my entire life, it meant sacrificing something, saying good bye to those moments where you had your mom make you a strong cup of tea and comfort you when things went terribly wrong, saying goodbye to those times when your dog slept at your feet or even on them in those long wintery nights to keep your toes warm, staying up late after everyones slept on those summer nights staring out the window and the silence on the streets and the soft rustling of the leaves in the breeze these are to mention a few of the things that I will miss and always will cherish no matter where i am.
But change should be viewed optimistically no matter what.
And cheers to those good times with family, friends and of course my beloved canine, who would put a smile on my face when i was down and low.

Love , live and laugh... always

productivity this summer

All day I sit around doing absolutely nothing wondering why in the world am i not doing anything.
There must be something at home to do.
So i decided since the garden was so full of weeds and snakes that rules gardening out. I'm no good at repairing stuff, ( i guess its a job for every person with a Y chromosome and not me.) so ruled that out. Teaching my dog some tricks,( even the lion handler at a circus wouldn't be able to do that!) then i realized ohhhh!!! Cooking! Of course.
The only real stuff i know to do is probably maggi noodles, chai and pizza.
So i started off on paratha's. Stuffed aloo parathas. I kneaded the dough, flattened into actually circular chappathis and stuffed it in! All it needed was patience and persistence. Everyone said it came out rather well. Well thats a start!
Earlier this week I had been to the grocery store buying jelly, custard and cake mixes.
So my alternate career plans will probably include becoming a chef. Not that i'm in doubt that i'd ever make it as a surgeon, but just on the assurance side!


This is my favorite dish though, and soon to be made by moi
Palak panner-


Ingredients:


500gms Fresh Palak (Saag)
100gms Paneer How to make paneer
2 Onions grated Ginger, Garlic paste
5-6 tbsp oil
1 tsp pure ghee
Garam masala to taste
Red chili powder to taste
1 tsp cumin powder
Salt To Taste


procedure:

• Clean and wash palak (spinach) nicely.
• Boil the spinach in water and cool it.
• Now mash it in a mixer.
• Heat oil in a kadai. Add ginger-garlic paste and stir-fry for a minute.
• Now add onions and fry till golden brown.
• Add all spices except red chili powder.
• Now add the spinach (palak) and little water if needed and cook for 4-5 minutes.
• Cut paneer into pieces (Paneer can be fried to golden brown in a seperate pan or can be used as it is).
• Add Paneer pieces to the gravy and cook until done.
• Take out in a bowl.
• Just before serving, heat pure ghee in a small pan.
• Hold the pan over bowl, add chili powder and immediately pour on the indian palak paneer.
• Caution: Don't allow chili powder to burn .

what dog would you be?

I took this quiz on what kind of dog i would be-
hahaha... so funny, to people who know me, do you agree?

Jack Russell Terrier

This pint-sized explorer is the Magellan of the canine world. Always ready for adventure, the Jack Russell Terrier is known to wander off at a moment's notice. Her life is never dull, and entertainment is key. Accepting in nature, she makes friends easily and is usually the center of attention wherever she goes. Her high energy and upbeat personality make the Jack Russell Terrier a fun-loving part of any family.

loading ammo

Oh ya... one more month to go, I have no idea if I'm anxious or eager for this change all i know is there's no looking back just another month to go! And thanks to a certain somebody who I was chatting with on msn today morning i realized that fact.
Well I finally made a list and finally started shopping. It must sound like some sorta great expedition to the Himalayas , and exaggerated hundredfold, cuz i guess this is a huge leap for me. As I said , never been away from home and family for a prolonged period of time and the last time i travelled without family, i got food poisoned! ( An incident in Ooty worth remembering!) .
So as I was saying, made this huge list of all the stuff I'll need, ranging from portable iron to hankies, to nail polish remover to stapler pins!
So we set out to get this stuff, my mom, a shopaholic who knows every inch of commercial street and the best of stuff in these gullies there ( shoppers secret- you always find the nicer things in the gullies of commercial street than the main road and get the best bargains there).
So we got a lot of junk jewelery. I just cant stop collecting them! So as we explored further and got more stuff. We were in one of these gullies and getting something called as a pico done to the clothes. It was a narrow gully with predominantly of Muslim/parsi tailor shops and on this wall was a poster of none other than Saddam Hussein. Inconspicuous as it may have been, at that moment when I noticed it , it seemed strange in this particular setting. Long gone is this tyrant, but his impression still remains even in the narrow gullies in commercial street.
We moved on, picked up our clothes and set off for Bhagat ram, very famous for their sweets especially gulab jamuns which i learned to love because of the way they make it.
Today we plan raid my grand moms cupboards for some necessities like towels and bedsheets etc, shes got an entire store which saves us the trouble of going and shopping for some.
My social calender right about now looks full, with so many people in town all of a sudden sigh...
So off i have to set out again.
In a way, I wish this would all be over, I guess now you might know what i mean by eagerly and anxiously!

diet coke won't help

"Nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet"
-Nora Ephron

Rather than the strict diet I intended to follow, I've ate six bars of Cadbury milk chocolate, chips, ice cream and I feel bloated up and out of proportion right about now!
Damn all that high calorie junk food! Its not like I'm following an Atkins diet or something (low carbs , low proteins). Just trying to minimize on my fat intake. I don't need to drastically cut down weight, but I feel as though I'm on th tendency of gaining weight, and i have to admit I'm a huge couch potato, doesn't show ( i wonder why). So unless I actually get some to exercise, i'll have yen in one pocket and pesos in the other.
Now as I type this out my guilt strikes me, how procrastinating can i be? Damn!
My goal this summer was to tone my body , and become lean etc. Looks like I've been trying to do the opposite! After my recent sick spell i haven't really tried to work out much.
I do take my dog out for walk but that guy just doesn't like to exercise, which presents another major problem!As soon as we take him two hundred metres from home he starts panting and tries to either just stop walking or drags you back home.
My daily routine isn't helping either, which currently includes waking up, breakfast, TV, surf the web, check mail, reading a novel, treadmill, dozing off for a while... the rest gets too bring to explain. So by the end of July I hope to accomplish my goals , all of them which revolve under losing weight/keeping lean.

Goldwynisms

• They say its not as bad as they say it is.
• It's spreading like wildflowers.
• We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it.
• Don't count your chickens before they cross the road.
• You gotta take the sour with the bitter.
• Gentlemen, include me out.
• I'll give you a definite maybe.
• I can answer in two words,im-possible.
• Avoid cliches like the plague.
• A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its written on.
• Its more than magnificent, its mediocre .
• Throw out all the old files but be sure and make a copy of everything before getting rid of it.
• Directors are always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.
• What we need is a story which starts with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.
• Do you want me to put my head in a moose?
• Never let the bastard back into my office again-unless I need him.
  

college, hostel and all that!

OK well, so I'm going to coll this year after all ( i dunno why i added after all but still).
I'm going to college in Mangalore, five and a half years over there after I've spent practically my entire life in Bangalore!
Well to start of with , its gonna be an entirely different setting, the whole med school atmosphere, friends, the weather ( its always warm and humid and raining most of the year there). Then there will be the whole course load which I've heard is a bitch! Gulp.
I heard at times hostel food makes you depressed, and there are times when you would feel crappy by looking at what your eating. But on the more positive side I'm gonna be 18! Time to face the world from my pampered lifestyle at home and life there teaches you a lot of valuable lessons.The guy at the admissions office thought i was meek and small , looked like a kid for my age that's what he said and was like "you sure u can handle life in a hostel?"
I said "yes" in the most confident way possible, then he said" we'll see, you sound so confident now but lets see if you get use to it"
I wanted to ask him "do i have a choice?" Well that's another gulp!
So we're going to see the hostels like a couple of days before college starts and figure out the room arrangements and stuff.
Back in Bangalore when i broke the news to friends , family etc i got a lot of mixed reactions.
Most of my friends were like ".... oh u gonna live away from home , why couldn't you try to get into some college here in Bangalore?"
Some were like "... we're gonna miss you so much so when u giving a farewell party?" ( Ya right!)
Others were like "so how many days left for college to begin..... omg! hardly a month , we gotta start hanging out more often!"

Haven't started shopping as of yet, not even made a list , but I'm sure on the first thing on my list would be baygon cockroach spray. You see I'm so scared of cockroaches that I'm planning to take a couple of bottles of it and exterminate my entire room before moving in. Added to that all the numerous other bug sprays and mosquito repellents!
Planning to go to comm street sometime and but new clothes and stuff , always wanted kholapuri chappals, dunno why but seem to like them even though they don't have any purpose whatsoever.
Other than that at present just hanging out with my friends and collecting and sending all my numerous documents! Such a pain...
And of course enjoying my last few days as a free bird before college literally devours me!

nothings happened

If only my life had a lot more masala in it, maybe this blog would perk up a bit, but then i wouldn't be blogging would I , caught up with all the drama ?
Updates on my rather mundane life might include-

• Pluto is getting better (yay!). Although he refuses to take a tablet , (I really wouldn't blame him, they taste horrible!) we still tricked him into eating it . He's alright, he's even up to his usual antics, which include grabbing a shoe and running off, bringing his leash and following you around the house until you take him out for a walk, etc
• I've become sick! Yes its cough, cold ,fever etc Its forced me to sit at home and think of alternative ways of entertaining myself. Which include reading, sleeping, TV and talking to my dog. He really listens (or so I'd like to believe!) .
• My intensive room cleaning has come to a halt recently since yours truly has been sick. Though I have finished vacuuming a major part of my room.
• I have managed to read most of the books I had planned to read in the holidays, and even more! Didn't really find much time this year unfortunately.
• Working on my six pack , no seriously not kidding.. will start off again the moment i attain full recovery!
  
• Counselling around the corner! Anxious rather than eager, you may never know what to expect....

I wanna hula hoop!!!

I know it sounds corny, but I just want to go back and be a kid again! No college to worry about, no admissions etc, just the next day of school, some crappy homework where they teach you whats abc and tell you to add one and one.
I want to go back, and as it may seem , I'm shrugging of responsibilities ,being immature and cant face situations. I just want to go back to those really carefree days,roller-blading, hula hooping, playing on the jungle gym and having that sensation when you swing really high and just jump into the sand below. That feeling when your in mid air for split seconds and it feels like your flying and then you land on your bottom doesn't hurt, cuz its just sand!
I want to go back to those days of playing hide and seek, stuck in the mud and all those stupid things we would play. Somersaulting and Marco polo in the water,having stupid races etc.
If only I could go back to those days of just idling around and the only thing to worry was curfews and homework and trying to not get caught in the act of doing something mischievous.
Sigh...
Time just flies, days, weeks, months, years, decades and soon i'll be eighty watching my grandkids so the same(if i have any that is).

Sunday morning

Today I awake, the beginning of a new week. I sit on my bed, and think, is it morning already? Seems like I haven't slept in a long time. I wonder how this week would be, hoping that it wouldnt be as bad as last week.
The aromas from the kitchen come and hit me. Its the sunday special. Chicken curry, fish fry, capsicum bajji or something mouth watering.Cant wait for lunch. I go out, my dog looks clean and matted. He just had a bath. He sits there and sunbathes, to dry himself off.
The church bells ring its nine o'clock. I make myself some breakfast-toast,with jam on one side butter on th other, pre-packaged juice out of the refrigerator. This is my usual routine on a sunday.
Usually I sit and read the newspaper or a book or something, sleep sometimes.walk my dog and my sundays are days with the least amount of activity. Days i just laze around.
Caught up with a few friends , an old classmate who was very adamant that long distance relationships don't work out and how it would be very difficult. Another one who wanted to do something different in life after he finished college.
These things are things that I wonder about. Whether its long distance relationships working out,being different, in the end things happen the way they were meant to happen and they happen for a reason and maybe we can to a certain extent influence our destiny and future, but not entirely and that at some point you'll just have to let go and let whatever happen .. just happen.

tough decisions

Currently on the verge of making some tough decisions in life and i'm only 17.
My mind is in this utter state of confusion and turmoil.I have no idea about what i should choose over what and why I should do so. This hopeless situation is taking most of my precious time which i would have rather used to just sit and stare at nothing in particular, listen to those tiny noises which you would only observe if u weren't as preoccupied. In short , now instead of just idling my time im actually reduced to think about my future. And my 17 yr old slightly immature mind may make a decision I might regret for the rest of my life!
My choices are really simple straight forward choose between two streams. One of which I have no idea about and whether I would be good at it ie commerce and the other being a subject specifically biology (dentistry) which i've been comfortable all my life. Seems simple I probably would have gone with choice two , I really would have. But we're talking about dentistry here. I can never imagine myself sticking my hand into somebodies mouth (ugh!). Kinda grossed out by that fact but still its an option. Close family flooding me with opinions, do commerce! do commerce! while my dad is of the opinion that i should play to my strengths and hes all for dentistry. Great career options in the future he says. Of course both have great career options. It depends on the person and the way he can cope up with the different stress levels which comes with the job description and of course talent and a natural flair for it.
After weighing the pro's and cons for both over and over again, talking to people wondering about whether what im doing is the right thing.... im still back to where I started . I'm still confused. Its just me, i'm always indecisive, hesitate till the last minute, and of course overly cautious.Just have to think about it . And since I have a lot of free time and I can sacrifice some days of idling sigh I'll have to sit and think it through. After all , my career and the next 50 years are at stake ( sorry for the melodrama, its just me). But as they say kesara sara- whatever will be will be.
Any suggestions are welcome, feel free.

The inheritance of loss

This is one of those books you have to pick up in your spare time and read. Deeper meaning underlies the story, which everyone of us can very much relate to. I would recommend this book. An easy read but gets you thinking about your principles and how you can relate to these characters.

Haircut

Well, I was looking for something to change in my life and was wondering what that could be. Thinking and thinking I finally thought, my hair! It was just too long , wild and tangly ( exaggeration intended). I always complained about my hair either it was too short , too long ,too bouncy, too shiny, too dull, too smelly , too un-smelly or just not perfect to be precise.
I decided that i was going to cut my hair short( not too short) get a small fringe ( not too in ur face). So the day finally arrived. I went and got my hair cut, sat on the chair. I remember as a kid I had this tiny hesitance when i went to get my hair cut. Its like animals are scared or nervous when u stand directly behind them and do something, I too was a bit insecure when something happened on my backside. I would get this tingling felling every time i heard the sound chop chop chop. It was that sound which creeped me out. But this time due to the double mirrors, mental maturity(after all shes only gonna cut my hair! lol) I felt quite alright.
So she began chopping my hair, chop chop snip snip. And I endured.... ahhh!!!
Final result.. my hair was pretty short. Shorter than imagined but it was better that the untangly jungle i had every morning when i woke up. And it would grow a bit in no time.
The only downside. Is that my hair gets into my eyes too often sniff...

Running out of optimism

Due to budgetary constraints , the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice
-Anon

I have always been an optimist. Always looked at the better aspects of what could have been the worst of situations and this is precisely why I have survived till date.
Right about now I've run out of optimism. Oh I might survive but thats an entirely different story.
Cynics or any form of pessimism in general would turn me off. Rather I would avoid such people, afraid that they would dampen my spirits or even speak the truth.
But since my optimism is slowly diminishing. I see the beauty and art of the pessimist. The talent that is needed to give an air of dread and depression, carefully picked words which could only add to it.
Looking on the positive side has always been easy but looking on the negative side as rather very hard. And optimism does have ts shortcomings , relying on false hope- " maybe the suns going to rise in the west today". And i find myself becoming a pessimist. No light at my end of the tunnel...

Melancholy in May

With everything happening so far its truly been melancholic. From the food I eat , to the clothes i wear , to the life i 'experience'.
To add to this is the atmosphere. My neighbourhood. When i first saw this place , about seven years ago, I was amazed any place could be so calming, so peaceful. Birds chirping , the leaves rustling in the breeze. The occasional sound of the car driving by, the sounds of the church bell ringing on Sunday morning at nine. Just serene.
After moving in here three years later , it struck me odd. The silence, as though it spoke a mysterious language i couldn't and probably wouldn't understand. I felt as though I was living far , far away.
Once I had been left alone at home, all alone with just my cat for company. At first , I was overjoyed by the prospects and freedom of staying alone. But then it was the loneliness, sadness and melancholy that overtook me.
Now i feel that again. Wherever I go. Something which I don't think I would be able to escape for sometime. That ardent hope has left me, left me with only emptiness...

Boast of quietness

Writings of light assault the darkness, more prodigious than meteors.
The tall unknowable city takes over the countryside.
Sure of my life and my death, I observe the ambitious and would like to understand them.
Their day is greedy as a lariat in the air.
Their night is a rest from the rage within steel, quick to attack.
They speak of humanity.
My humanity is in feeling we are all the voices of the same poverty.
They speak of a homeland.
My homeland is the rhythm of a guitar, a few portraits, an old sword,
the willows groove's visible prayer as evening falls.
Time is living me.
More silent than my shadow, I pass through the loftily covetous multitude.
They are indispensable, singular, worth of tomorrow.
My name is someone and anyone.
I walk slowly, like one who comes from so far away he doesn't expect to arrive.

-Jorge Luis Borges

pluto and the tiger

Ever been amused at how fascinated your dog seems after he's taken one of your prized possessions and just galloped away? These are usually the way the retriever's behave like. They take something and run away with it. Even though this is a common behavior among them we still call them "retrievers".
Now this is a story about a dog and his best soft toy friend aka a stuffed Bengal tiger toy.
Pluto the dog was one day spending a lonely morning lying down wondering what havoc he could cause in the life of these humans today. With one human in the kitchen and the other two little ones somewhere inside, he didn't have any company. And then he saw it, the white stuffed Bengal tiger perched precariously on top of the shoe cabinet he stood up on his hind legs and got it and then slid down skillfully and stealthily as a jewel thief would have with his jewel in his mouth he began wrestling around with it. This attracted the attention of his human from the kitchen and brought her in. She tried to pry it out of his jaws , but alas they were inseparable or rather Pluto was a little too possessive . One of the little ones came out of the room and saw this occur she took a biscuit something that dog loved more than his life and made a bargain. At first he refused but then the over powering smell of the meat treat made his mouth water, so he decided to let to of tiger for a while and get back to him after eating.
But the little one was too quick, she quickly took tiger and placed it on a high point or rather something which she thought was at a high point and he would never reach, up on the spiral stair case. He was always afraid of that thing it just made him dizzy. But tiger his new best friend was right up there. He was willing to risk everything for tiger (except the dog biscuit of course).
So he started the scariest ascent in his doggy life , the spiral staircase climb and so it began, he climbed and climbed and there tiger was lying there, he reached and came down triumphant at his acquirement.
The little one had underestimated the power of Pluto, he was smart .. oh ya. He probably couldn't do calculus or become a rocket scientist but he could fool the average human and was greatly underrated and underestimated.
But then two of the little ones did finally manage to fool him and separate the tiger and dog forever. With a lot of whimpering and growling and surprised attacks though. Thus ended the friendship between pluto and tiger. Tragic.
Two humans against one animal, my my an unfair fight it was but Pluto was just too good..
now i begin to wonder if the dogs were given the right opportunities they would rule our planet,
it might happen someday, the whole world being their kennel !!!

pitter-patter the raindrops fall

That time in summer when you feel so hot and stuffy and really wish it would rain to bring the temp down a bit. Its mid may and summer is in full force , making living in the tropics very... sweaty.
This is when we need showers . They make the air seem less dusty and really clear , streets feel clean ignoring the slushy bad laid roads of course. All in all a rainfall right about now might do some good. And since I'm not doing much these days i keep looking up at those heavy rain bearing clouds wondering when the first drops of water will fall. The heat is killing me, it leaves u feeling sticky and disgusted, and the only thing i could really hope for is cold soothing , showers.
I feel like a farmer except i don't have any crop :( but still i gaze at the sky with such expectancy but end up disappointed soon after.
Well showers will come someday , but as long as I'm not out and caught in it!

Sunshine

I stare at my ceiling wishing i had the answers to all my woes , worries and meaningless questions.
But i don't . I just continue to stare.
Wondering what would break me from this trance, and how it would, if it ever would. Dreams have been shattered and heartaches and mental wounds inflicted, i wonder what happiness was and how it felt like , it was but this long remote thing from some distant past. Drowning in misery trying to stay afloat but can not hence i sink into the depth of the misery, pain and suffering with no way out.

I'm soon meeting my maker

Oohh crap and now results. They come one by one each one scarier than the other plunging you into a state of shock , deeper and deeper. I would rather write exams over and over again than face results!

It was nice knowing you , oh cruel world... tomorrow is D day!!! Well lets hope for the best.
My melodramatic stage exit.


signing off
untapped

ps-my funeral is scheduled half hour after pu results . half an hour because the feeling of shock and sense of tragedy needs to penetrate through my thick skull. If the invitation doesnt reach you , you are cordially invited. Venue- probably the shittiest parking lot we could find.

"Every person's fight with death is lost before it begins. What makes the struggle worthwhile, therefore, cannot lie in the outcome. It lies in the dignity with which the fight is waged and the way it finds an end."


-Joseph Fletcher

Pheromones as Aphrodisiacs

Pheromones are basically body secretions , which effect the organisms olfactory senses even though it is said that these chemicals have no odour thy work in mysterious ways.
One of these so called effects are the dormitory effect. This is when women living in close quarters or in a relationship fall into the same cycle thereby bringing about a synchronity in their menstrual cycle.
Unfortunately since the sense of smell in humans is not that developed pheromones do not play an important role. However it is said that pheromones are the scientific equality of a mythological cupids arrows. In many animals they are powerful sexual attractants. Or so called "turn ons".

Perfume industries have taken advantage of these pheromones and have designed synthetic ones or extracted them from animals and put them in perfumes. Even though they haven't been marketed as any such aphrodisiacs but as mood enhancers to relax and stimulate your senses they still sell.
The scientific community still has to give its final verdict on the pheromones. Are they really lust signals for love?

the aftermath

So today morning is the day after last entrance exam of the season. Everyone asks everyone... so what next??
My cycle before today was setting the alarm for 4:45 am and continuously putting it on snooze a couple of times before waking up.Slept like at one and got up at seven today considering it strange that i usually need an alarm to wake up so early. Maybe the absence of the alarm actually woke me up. Funny as it sounds i made my self drift back to sleep as there would be no more thinking about so what subject am i going to study today or what do i need to do today... Had to tell myself i had nothing to do today except probably drift off. Seems quite strange considering the fact that i was waiting for today. But the end of the entrance exams has happened so suddenly that i have this empty feeling inside.Hopefully better days soon to follow.
Now i have to clean my room which looks like a tornado just hit it. For the first time in days i realised i've been living in a dump! Books ,papers, pens etc etc etc all lying around. My closet is such a mess. Dunno how i could even find anything for so long.
Have to start cleaning up.. but the fact is i've been hit by a wave of laziness.Had to go out for lunch today and had to make this huge effort to get out of my daze.

But with the aftermath also comes the sad part of the results. Scarier than actually writing the exam :(

What do u do?

Just finished some major exams and yet dunno how to celebrate.As my friend says " the freedom is so overwhelming you really have no idea what to do!"
Its like murphys laws- You never catch on until after the test.
To late to go back and think how badly you did that test. Just sit back and relax for the time being. Cuz u cant do anything else anyways!!!

http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-teaching.html

Bread is dangerous!

This was absolutely hilarious, something which i came across-

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty. (seriously :P )

The stupid stuff they make us do

What's all our knowledge worth? We don't even know what the weather will be tomorrow.
-Berthold Auerbach
If only we didn't have to through the continual torture of studying the prosaic anatomy of a cockroach. It is the heights of stupidity. Who cares about cockroach even if they survived a nuclear bomb blast? I don't how that would even help any student who has taken up biology understand the subject.

Nadie rebaje a lágrima o reproche

esta declaración de la maestría

de Dios, que con magnífica ironía

me dio a la vez los libros y la noche.

Let neither tear nor reproach

besmirch this declaration

of the mastery of God

who, with magnificent irony,

granted me both the gift of books

and the night.

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
-Mark Twain
Everyday brings it closer and closer..

So close, not good

I'm finding it tough to express in full sentences so heres what i'm feel sweaty clamy hands, biting lips, everything depends on this. I can't fail this, but its in another four days, so close and not good.

A post

days are cold
its still summer
worlds spinning
i'm wondering what i'm still doing with my life
nothing seems easy right about now
wonder how i'll live few years from now